Should parents be concerned?

Last week our Minister of Education signed off on curriculum documents without even having a glance at them.  You can read what transpired here: http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/ontario-ed-minister-says-she-would-sign-controversial-sex-ed-curriculum-wi.  You can be sure there is an agenda of some kind.  As council woman Maddie DiMuccio recently stated "This is indeed a big deal. It's getting out of hand. The more the system forgoes traditional teaching methods in favour of highly controversial "progressive" education, the more our kids are falling through the cracks. There's plenty of evidence to prove this. We should leave the "progressive" education to parents."

The Ministry of Education boasts about parental engagement and then puts up the stop signs at every level, whether it be curriculum or student safety. An education system funded by our tax dollars doing nothing more but trying to muzzle the parent voice. The Liberals are about moving forward with whatever agenda they wish while ignoring the majority of voices, the basic right of people to not only voice opposition, but be to be HEARD. This is evidenced by Bill 13 - the Accepting Schools Act.  A piece of legislation that was opposed by 80% of those who presented at committee hearings, yet a piece of legislation that found its way through to becoming law.  A very perilous course of action.

The controversial sex-ed curriculum shelved in 2009 was put on the back burner as a result of public outcry.  "When Sun News reporter Faith Goldy asked Sandals directly if the Liberal government is looking to revive the sex-ed curriculum in its original format as it was in 2009, Sandals responded: “That’s the commitment that both [former] Premier McGuinty and Premier Wynne have made.” 

It's time for parents to involve themselves full out and head on where it concerns what the curriculum entails.  Parents should be concerned.  It is extremely likely that our rights to teach our own children about the birds and the bees when WE consider them to be ready, socially and emotionally, to learn about that aspect of life will be outweighed by a political agenda.

Teachers feel unsafe

“More than a quarter of teachers and public school board staffers say they’ve been threatened with violence in the last year.” This is the result of a voluntary survey taken by 6,000 Thames Valley District School Board employees last December. You can read the article in it’s entirety by cutting and pasting into your browser: "http://www.lfpress.com/2013/06/27/one-in-four-london-area-public-school-teachers-and-staffers-has-faced-a-threat-of-violence-surveys-reveal" There are a number of things that I find disconcerting with this piece of information. "Bill 168...forces employers to assess the threat of violence and harassment in their workplace..." I really need to question whether or not there is a similar piece of legislation that would put the same kind of emphasis on the threat of violence and harassment within the school environment that countless children are enduring on a daily basis. Adults have been unable to effectively resolve bullying issues in the workplace or home; however, as adults they have a defined legal recourse, with consequences for the offenders. Children have no such recourse. They have no union representation. They have limited rights under the law – which are vague and rarely enforced. The highlights of this survey really alarm me in that if adults feel this way, we can only imagine how some of our students are feeling. We ask our children to stand up to aggressive behaviour, we ask our children to intervene when a peer is being abused, yet when an adult within the confines of school walls is assaulted or threatened by a student, police intervention is immediate. At the end of the day, the assaulted teacher will not be expected to spend time in the presence of his/her aggressor, yet we ask our children to do this on a daily basis. As adults, we have made our children responsible for self-policing, and while we are doing this, we have teachers suffering from work related stress for fear of being assaulted by a student. "40 percent feel unsafe interacting with students with a history of violence"....." and "in some schools a lot of teachers and staff say workplace violence negatively affects their mental health". Imagine that......however, I have yet to hear of a teacher attempting suicide as a result of post traumatic stress disorder because of long-term aggression from a peer. A student assaulting a teacher would be gone so fast, yet a child's reality is that they must endure the continued presence of their aggressors while they are trying to learn. The educational system put in place to teach our young clearly doesn't always provide the necessities of life for some of our children. Adults - are the reason bullying continues. Politics and bureaucracy within our educational system is the reason some of our children remain unsafe while at school and turn to taking their own lives because there is no light at the end of the tunnel. As a long-standing, grass-roots organization directly and only established to represent the voices of children and families since 2007 who have been victimized by bullying, “anti-bullying” advocacy is the sole purpose of my organization. I have no other mandate, responsibilities, conflicting agendas, budgets, or labour issues; child suicides are increasing, as are mental health and addiction issues. Great ideas may be in place – but they are not being translated into any meaningful committed action. Children are children. They learn their behaviour from the adults around them. Asking children to fix a problem they did not create, when they do not have the maturity or skills to fully comprehend the full affects of their actions, is unfair and unrealistic. When are we going to step up to the plate and acknowledge that we are not doing enough? The premiers of Canada are meeting at Niagara-on-the-Lake this month. Bullying is on the agenda. It will be interesting to see what they collectively come up with.

Genes play role in grade school bullying

"The episodes of bullying that mar early grade school years for hundreds of children may be a partial result of the victim's DNA, a new study suggested". So typical, BLAME THE VICTIM. We already know genes/DNA can play a role. As long as someone's traits aren't harmful to themselves or anyone else, children should be respected and allowed to be the individuals they are. There's no need for anymore studies on why kids/people are bullied. We already know the possibilities are limitless, including genes. No one deserves to be bullied/abused. The focus should be effective interventions to put an end to the bullying/harmful behaviour and minimizing the long-term effects. Continued efforts at addressing the root cause of negative behaviour by aggressive children is right up there on the list of things to do. I don't understand the purpose or intent of this study. This report did nothing more than provide our school boards with further ammunition to accuse a bullied child of being an evocative victim? Are we now supposed to have our children's DNA tested if they become a victim of bullying? Or, should we be blaming the parents of bullied children because they didn't "nip the issues in the bud at an early stage". Perhaps a public service announcement to mothers who are expecting twins suggesting that, along with normal blood work, they should have their twins' DNA tested. Perhaps this report should be provided to the parents of children who have taken their lives over this issue. So far the studies I have read deal with the victims of bullying, the latest being Dr. Vaillancourt’s research which suggests prolonged torment and abuse could severely affect a child’s development. Someone who experiences extreme stress over- produces cortisol is how I understand that report. Here is my suggestion. Gather 800 youth who have exhibited the extreme need for power and control over others. Power and control in the form of harassment, assault and stalking and take a look at what their DNA tells you. Those children, whose parents didn't "nip the issues in the bud at an early stage" who grow into adult abusers that further impact our social systems. They should not be left out of the DNA pool discovery. Seriously? This kind of report does nothing more than re-victimize a child and their family who have already experienced enough negativity.

An open letter from the mother of a bullied child Published on Tuesday January 01, 2013 By Ellie Advice Columnist Q: Last year, a large group of girls (led by two) locked my daughter, then 11, and her friend in a portable. When I reported it, nothing was done. One year later, the group of bullies is larger and stronger in their sense of entitlement and power. Only one girl admitted what had happened and apologized to my daughter. The others lied, denied and were openly hostile in front of the principal. We’re getting our daughter counseling, and requesting a school change, but this group will find a new target. Here’s my open letter: “To the parents and teachers of the children bullying my daughter: “My daughter was a confident young girl who adjusted well to change. She knows right from wrong and has a kind, sensitive heart. So when the invitations to birthday parties, sleepovers and get-togethers stopped arriving several years ago, she was confused and wept. She wondered why others hated her. “When her once-large group of friends became smaller and smaller, she wept. When her calls weren’t returned, when whispers began, when former friends showed she wasn’t liked or welcome, she wept. Her heart and our hearts were broken. The confident little girl slowly slipped away from us. “Teachers and principals, I ask you to look around the schoolyards and halls. What do you see? It may be subtle; it often is. But to my child, it’s colossal. “When a parent brings this to your attention, do you see another helicopter parent, or do you see parents of a child broken by other children at your school? “Can you see the possibility that even the child/children whom you like could be willfully hurting another child? Can you see that verbal slings and arrows are just as bruising as physical wounds? “Parents, I know it cannot be easy to hear that your child’s hurting another. Please stop looking for ways to blame my daughter. Please stop justifying your child’s bullying. You’re contributing to the problem by giving more power to your child. “Your indignation allows your children to continue ignoring their role and responsibility. “I allowed my child to meet with yours to discuss her feelings, to let your child witness, without the usual group of supporters behind them, the hurt being caused by your child’s behaviour I hoped it would affect real change. “My hopes died. Instead of learning, growing and changing, your child, strengthened by your outrage, continues to malign and harass. “My attempt, and my daughter’s attempt, to make this a ‘teachable moment’ failed miserably. The abusive behaviour rages on, fuelled by your righteous anger. “How would you feel as the parent of the child being bullied? How would you endure the nightly tears and the daily urge to keep your child at home? “You feel you’re protecting your child by defending them. However, ‘being behind your child’ doesn’t always mean you should blindly justify their behaviour. Certainly not by enabling and condoning anti-social behaviour. “Instead, ask your child questions about their interactions with others. If your child used to be a friend of my child, why did they suddenly stop being her friend? Who are their friends now? Have you checked your child’s digital footprint? (Don’t assume that nothing is going on. Kik is the new favourite and is being used to target my child.) “Address the bullying. Use meaningful, natural and logical consequences in order to protect my child and others from harm. My daughter’s life and happiness depend on it.” A Concerned Parent A: May your heartfelt plea be heard! TIP OF THE DAY Bullying affects all children, so long as it’s ignored and allowed to persist. Email ellie@thestar.ca. Ellie chats at noon Wednesdays at thestar.com/elliechat. Follow @ellieadvice.

What are we really doing?

“Bullying can negatively affect a victims brain says Ottawa researcher.” Dr. Tracy Vaillancourt is a professor and Canada Research Chair in Children’s Mental Health and Violence Prevention at the University of Ottawa. She is also a professor in the Department of Psychology, Neuroscience and Behaviour at McMaster University. Her research was published in the journal Elsevier in 2011. We all know that being at the receiving end of stalking, harassment and assault can have immediate negative responses by anyone. Dr. Vaillancourt’s research suggests prolonged torment and abuse could severely affect a child’s development. Could it be for this reason that our young are becoming depressed with suicidal thoughts and clinical diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? It all has to do with the hormone we all produce called cortisol. When we are severely stressed out, like children who are bullied, we overproduce this hormone. The end result is that this has a negative structural affect on our brains. This is of great concern in children as they develop emotionally and socially. On December 11, 2012, Global Edmonton reported that bullying is linked to lower performance in 4th grade reading. The findings of this report can be found in The PIRLS Canada in Context report which states that students bullied the most tend to have lower performances. “Students who are struggling more in school are probably less comfortable, and are probably more subject to those kinds of unpleasant circumstances,” ...... “And equally, being subject to those would further depress achievement.” Does this make struggling students an “evocative victim”? I have a child whose torment lasted for three school years - grades 8, 9 and 10. He was academically successful, and then his learning became extremely depressed. To corroborate Dr. Vaillancourt’s research, as a result of his three years of torment he was diagnosed with PTSD, and became suicidal. He started college at the age of 20 and did not handle the stress of that very well in his first year. Very interesting findings, but is anyone listening? There is an over abundance of expert reports that provide us with all kinds of information. Our school boards are just as privy to this information as you or I are, yet children are still taking their lives. So I need to ask....when bullying gets out of hand at the school level, what degree of responsibility is placed on the school system? In the USA, “Alabama and Georgia are urging the federal court to rule that school districts not be held financially liable for harassment in a student’s disability if school officials took appropriate steps to stop it.” Who determines what appropriate steps are? If it is reported to the school, and the aggression is taking place at the school level, and it doesn’t stop regardless of the steps taken while our children are in their care, then some onus must be placed on the system. It can’t abscond itself of 100% responsibility when we place our children in the duty of their care. That question now leads me to the Town of Hanna in the Province of Alberta and their recently implemented bully by-law. RCMP approached the town as they were frustrated with how prevalent bullying was in their community. They also expressed the frustrations of parents, and were concerned about situations escalating to the point of criminal offenses. While some may believe this kind of by-law to be draconian in nature, the main reason for the request came as a result of the gray areas at the school level when dealing with bullying. Nothing else is working at the community, provincial and federal levels.

National Bullying Prevention Strategy

The World Health Organization (WHO) has decreed bullying a “global social health problem”. It has reached epidemic proportions. A 2009 WHO report rated Canada 26th out of 35 developed nations surveyed. As a nation, we have spent millions of dollars with no decrease in the reported statistics. As everyone is aware, bullying has direct criminal, mental, educational and physical health implications. As far as "bullying" is concerned, it's just a catch phrase for assault, harassment and stalking, and it is time our youth are provided with the same basic human rights that adults benefit from. Parents expect a great deal from their Education system and one basic need is to know that their child is safe at school. Student safety = student achievement. When parents send their children to school, temporary custody of their child is handed over. Unfortunately, school boards have complete autonomy and are accountable to no one because at the end of the day they are self governing corporations administering their own set of politics. There is a percentage of bullying situations that take way too long to get resolved and I have met countless parents, nation wide, that get stone-walled at every level when trying to keep their children safe at school. There seems to be a disconnect not only at local levels, but across the country. Mr. Morin's recent motion on Parliament Hill is a good one. At this point in time, a Federal Prevention Strategy is necessary as we are still losing our youth to suicide as a result of adult failure. It would certainly support The National Crime Prevention Centre looking to fund initiatives that deal with school based bullying? "Priority Issue The NCPC is currently seeking to fund projects involving the implementation of specified model and promising programs designed to address the following priority issues: § Violence among youth ages 12 to 17 years; § Aboriginal youth delinquency in urban centres; and § School-based bullying." I would appreciate your thoughts on Mr. Morin's motion.

The start of school is just around the corner. Some parents and students are already becoming anxious. Here is what parents really need to know about keeping their children safe at school. We are tired of reading articles in our local papers directed to parents on how to raise their children and prevent them from becoming targets of bullies. We recognize that not all parents are educated, and some are lacking in parenting skills. But, for the most part we would like to think that parents do assist their children in building self-esteem and social skills. Becoming victimized doesn't necessarily have anything to do with a victim's level of self esteem or lack thereof. It's often the intent of the bully to break it! This kind of message sets up kids to be blamed for being victimized and the real issue not being addressed is the aggressor's lack of self esteem, issues and supports. We are further extremely dismayed with a statement made by Stu Auty, President of the Canadian Safe School Network. "Go up the food chain……You'll find over time the situation will be looked after.” While we recognize that there are most likely certain entities that Mr. Auty must protect, he has just disrespected every child, and their family, who have gone through months or years of a bullying situation without any resolve. This is a reality for many families in Ontario. So we ask why we never see journalistic pieces such as below. How parents can REALLY take on bullying If your child is being bullied we recommend the following: We recognize that this is an emotionally charged process. We ask that you use respectful language in your letters and conversations with school representatives. Calm, level headed communication achieves results. Keep a detailed log of who you spoke to including date, time, name(s), conversation highlights. This is imperative. Use the following guide to contact personnel in order as outlined. If you reach the last item on this list with no resolution - contact us. There are no skipping steps. Successful resolution requires working with established protocols. 1. Teacher 2. Vice Principal/Principal - Ask for a safety plan to be created for your child. 3. Superintendent of the school 4. Safe School Superintendent (only some school boards) 5. School Safety Officer - If need be get a restraining order against aggressor. 6. Elected trustee 7. Elected MPPs 8. If you child’s bullying is due to one of the following reasons: gender, race, orientation, religion, disability (differently abled) contact your Ontario Human Rights Tribunal and request an application. Our schools are bound by The Human Rights Convention and as such must be accountable to that office. 9. If you have a complaint regarding a teacher or administrator of your school/board please file a complaint with the Ontario Teachers College. 10. Ombudsman’s Office - Boards of Education do not form part of the Ombudsman’s portfolio. However, we have recently learned from his office that for statistical purposes they will accept a school complaint and keep record without conducting an investigation. This information is then published in the O’s Annual Report. Before the expansion of the Ombudsman’s power can take place, the number of recorded complaints needs to increase. 11. Share your story with the media. 12. Legal advice - sue in Small Claims Action suit. What children need to learn growing up is that every person is unique and they need to understand and accept differences in people, both physical and emotional. This education needs to carry on in our schools, not just at home. This is all about changing the cultures in our schools and it begins with our Principals, the very individuals our Education Act sites are responsible for the safety of all students. Until then, supporting and protecting our victims is crucial and mandatory. We should not have to go through the “food chain.” Unfortunately, this is not always the case. And while we understand a number of bullying situations are handled well, there is a reason anti-bullying coalitions in this province are being organized. We don’t need to read articles on how to raise our children. We need to learn how to advocate on behalf of them. This is where a parent needs to be educated.